The AZ Body-Mind Blog

Looking for information on Mindfulness Meditation?

YouTube-Video

This video is a lecture by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn explaining the basis of Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness is an excellent way to manage emotions and stress.  Some suggest it helps to connect you to your spiritual center.  I HIGHLY recommend exploring Mindfulness for you!

Do you know how to self-sooth between therapy sessions? Try these techniques!

Find balance and find serenity

The hardest time for many people comes after they have decided to go to therapy, when they often have high expectations of what will happen next.  The actual therapy session will feel calming and comforting and you might expect that feeling to last from one session to the next.   But then you have to go home and may not have another session for one to two weeks.  That’s when life can become hard, when you haven’t quite mastered some techniques to handle the rough spots on your own. 


Listed below are some techniques you can use to learn how to sooth yourself until your next appointment or until you have gained more ground in changing the thoughts that are causing your distressing emotions.


Journaling – there is something almost magical about writing down your thoughts that takes the power out of them.  Instead of worrying and “what if”ing until your brain can’t stand it another minute, try writing out your thoughts.


  • Try simply recording what you are thinking and re-read it periodically to see if you've got it all.  When you get to a certain point that if feels like you accurately recorded everything, tack on a sentence fragment and write out your response.  The fragment is “… and all this distresses me because…”  This might help you to see what the real issue is below the surface event or thoughts preoccupying your mind.

  • Or try writing out what you would like to do in response to the thing that you’ve been worrying about.  Describe it as though it were happening as your write.  If there are other people involved, imagine how they will respond and write out how you would like to communicate with them.  Try directing the action as though things will go well, rather than as if they will go poorly.


Writing things out causes us to slow our thinking down and focus on each thought as we write.  This can sometimes help us to see we are making something big out of a little thing or help us gain awareness of when we are “catastrophizing.”   It also helps you rehearse a different, hopefully more positive approach to problem solving.   Writing out how you would like to handle something or what you would like to say helps you plan ahead.


Venting – Sometimes if feels good just to talk to someone who just listens and doesn’t try to direct us in any course of action.  When we vent, we often begin to listen to ourselves and really hear what we say.  A trained listener will respond in ways that will help you to see how you sound and appear without being judgmental.  However, venting can be bad if we do too much of it or if we don’t go the next step and create a plan of action.  Use venting judiciously and select the people you vent to carefully.  Not everyone is a good listener, especially when they are emotionally invested in your issue.


Relaxation Techniques – There are multiple ways we can help ourselves to relax, from the simple and free to the complex and potentially expensive.  The good news is you don’t have to spend a lot of money or invest a lot of time in learning to relax unless you want to.


  • Breathing for Relaxation – Perhaps the most effective, and lowest cost alternative to relaxation begins with breathing.  Most of us don’t use our full lung capacity, and when we are stressed, we tend to breathe short, rapidly and shallow.  This places stress on our bodies because the level of oxygen in our bloodstreams goes down.  That condition along with other stressors and thought processes sometimes trigger the body to launch into the fight or flight response.  Slowing down your breathing, making it deeper, longer and more regular, triggers the body into an opposite response from the fight or flight response called the parasympathetic response which calms the body down.  Start by just focusing on your breathing, pay attention to your breath and focus on making your exhalations twice as long as your inhalations.  Look for Dr. Andrew Weil’s audio recording “Breathing: the Master Key to Self Healing” for more instructions.  Cut #7, The Relaxing Breath, is the best.

  • Progressive Muscle Relaxation – This activity takes advantage of the body’s natural tension reduction involved in tense-release activities.  Ever notice after working out or being involved in a strenuous activity that your body feels somehow looser and more flexible?  As you use muscles, tensing and releasing t hem, they can actually become a bit longer, especially if you stretch before and after.  Progressive muscle relaxation is an activity that begins with tensing the feet and ends with tensing the entire body.  Periods of tensing are interspersed with periods of relaxation.  Try beginning with curling your toes for 15 to 20 seconds and then relaxing them fort 20 to 30 seconds, or longer if you like.  Then add the next muscle group: arch your feet and curl your toes for 15 to 20 seconds and then relax again for 20 to 30 seconds.  Keep adding a muscle group until there is nothing left to tense but your hair.  Tense and release.  When you are finished, you should feel a mild sense of fatigue and relaxation.  Add soft, instrumental music or nature sounds for an added bonus.

  • Guided Imagery or Meditations – Guided imagery or guided meditation is simply focusing your attention on a recorded message that takes you through relaxing exercises like breathing and progressive muscle relaxation combined with taking you on a mental journey in a typically relaxing imagined scene.  For example, the guide may take you on a trip to a beach and suggest that you try to put yourself on a beach using every sensory memory you can bring up.  Imagine the scent of the beach, the sounds of the waves on the shoreline, the feeling of the warm sun on your skin, perhaps the feel of an occasional breeze or the sand on your skin.   

  • Massage – Physical touch has long been considered healing, but add to that basic benefit the expertise of a trained and certified massage therapist and you get and incredible experience that allows your body and mind to reduce tension and enable self-healing.  But be clear with your massage therapist of the purpose for getting a massage.  Deep tissue massage may not feel particularly relaxing!

  • Yoga – This activity is the triple threat when it comes to reducing stress and promoting relaxation and balance.  There are a number of different types of yoga, but in general they all incorporate mental discipline, exercise and breathing techniques that help bring balance to your life.  If you are looking for something especially relaxing, look to Pranayama Yoga, which mainly focuses on breath control.


Mental Distraction – let’s face it, the more you focus your thoughts on something distressing the more distressed you will feel.  Getting your mind off your troubles can help give you the opportunity to detach long enough to come up with a resolution of your own or decide that you can let it go.  What works for you may not work for someone else, but below is a good list to start with.  Activities that allow you to look back when you are finished and see your accomplishments are especially rewarding.


  • Cleaning
  • Organizing
  • Watching TV
  • Listening to Music
  • Hobby
  • Arts/crafts
  • Spending time with others


Exercise – Funny thing about exercise, it burns off energy but it builds stamina.   In a way, exercise can be like an immunization against stress without the needle.  If you have been easily stressed out, nervous and jittery, adding activity to your routine can help you feel less fatigued and get those butterflies under control. Try to get your heart rate elevated for at least 20 minutes three times a week (with the approval of your doctor of course).


None of these technique are going to change your life circumstances, but that isn’t the point.  The point is to improve your functioning so that you are better able to handle whatever life is throwing at you and to allow you to start enjoying some of the life you have right now.


Try these techniques in your life and have some patience. Practice never really brings us to perfection, but it’s necessary in order to make a new behavior a healthy habit.  It can take several weeks to a few months, so be gentle with yourself when you miss a step or fail to get the desired response. 


Keep on keepin’ on, take it one day at a time, and don’t forget to breathe OUT!

Do you worry well?

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." ~ Glenn Turner


I love little clichés like this.  They remind us that we aren't the first person to happen along in this life.  We know that someone else has found themselves where we are and have seen the absurdity of what we're doing. 


Worrying is such a time waster, but we engage in it, why?  Maybe because we feel like we are doing something?  We also may do it because we think we "have to."  Listening to distressed parents of adult alcoholic children, I've frequently heard "But I have to worry about my son because I love him."  But this statement isn't really based in reality.  I don't have to worry about everyone I have loved.  This would exhaust me and do nothing for the people I'm worrying about.  But letting go is very difficult, so worrying may feel like an easier thing to do... at first.  We may feel guilty that if we don't pick up worrying, we aren't doing anything to help.


Trying to apply logic here -- if I "had" to worry, then there should be some outcome from the act that would benefit me or the person I'm worrying about, right?  I said if I HAD to.  Thinking rationally, I know that worrying doesn't do anything for another person, it just makes me feel anxious and depressed about what might happen to them.


You might say, "But by worrying, I might come across some solution to the problem."  Well, yes.  You may.  But then are you worrying or problem solving?  The difference lies in whether anything actually gets put into action, or does it just swirl around in your head?


Knowing that nothing good really comes of worrying and that worrying isn't problem solving or planning, we can begin to see that worrying is a choice, not a necessity.  And it's a choice that isn't particularly effective. 


It may be a choice we are making because we have tried other things and gotten thwarted.  In the case of the adult alcoholic children, I often saw parents that had done everything they could think of: paid for therapy, paid for bail, paid bills, moved the child in with them, nagged on the child, used guilt, anger, love and money to try to affect change in the child.  Most of these efforts rarely worked more than an instance or circumstance. 


The one thing these parents couldn't do was perhaps the thing that could make the most difference: allow the adult substance abuser to fully live with the consequences of their choices.  This requires the ability for the parent to let go of their attachment, their need to save or protect their child from himself. 


I've sometimes used the Parable of the Prodigal Son in these situations, even though I am not a particularly religious person.  The father allowed his son to experience the negative consequences of his choices and then accepted him back when it was clear the son had returned in a state of humility, having learned a lesson and having changed.


The parable doesn't say how the father kept from worrying, or if he did at all.  But the story provides us with a sense that the father accepted the path his son had chosen and that the father considered that his son must have met a fate not unlike death, not out of anger at the son but out of necessity for himself.  The father went on with his life and the business of living.  When the son returned the father was willing and able to accept his son and share his life once again.


The suggestion I'm making is that we find ways other than worrying to use our mental energy that lead to positive action and tangible results.  When we attach to a thought, a condition or a person so deeply that we cannot survive without it, we will become gravely distressed. 


If you find yourself going over and over in your head and seeing nothing positive transpire, it's an indicator that you need to get out of your head, accept a difficult reality and begin to move on.  You may be able to do that on your own or you may benefit from some help. 


In my opinion, it takes much more strength to reach out than it does to try to handle it alone.

The Post-Holiday Hangover

Are you feeling guilty? let-down? anger at yourself or others?  You may be experiencing the Holiday Hangover, a common experience many people feel once the guests have all left, the wrapping paper recycled, the financial reality hits, and you have time to start thinking about all that has just transpired.


Let's begin not with a "hair of the dog that bit you," that would be tantamount to doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.  You've heard that before right?  That's the definition of insanity.  Start by breathing the fresh air of rationality.  


Did you give in to conflict with friends or family?  Begin by forgiving yourself and them.  Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning bad behavior.  True forgiveness has to do with letting go of YOUR attachment to the other person and what happened.  Forgiveness allows you to stop being angry and disturbing yourself with negative thoughts and emotions that prevent you from living in this moment.  I begin to forgive others by reminding myself that I and others are typically trying to do the best that they can with what they have at the time.  Just as I can be impatient, unrealistic, and even inappropriate at times; so can other people.  When I stop seeing what other people have done as being totally about me, I can allow them to have their faults and let go of what happened.  


Did you over-spend?  Start by doing an honest assessment of your finances.  Will this be a short-term adjustment to spending or do you need an economic overhaul?  You may be tempted to live in denial due to the anticipated pain associated with reality.  Knowing where things really stand gives you an enormous advantage.  Take responsibility as soon as possible and the pain will be minimized.  Deny reality and the pain will either deepen or be prolonged.


Did you over-indulge in food or spirits?  Again, begin with forgiving yourself and a healthy dose of reality.  Get back on your health routine related to food, exercise and moderation as soon as possible.  Limit contact with people or situations that encourage you to fall off the wagon.  Put away the left-over candy and treats (out of sight, out of mind) or better yet, keep the gift-giving going by donating to friends, neighbors, family or others.  Food banks can't accept your prepared foods, but sealed cans and packages can be dropped off at local centers.  


Avoid the impulse to throw yourself into a vigorous exercise routine after a long absence from the gym.  Start slow and create the habit of participating in a new regime.  It can take 12 or more weeks to get a new habit engrained into your routine.  Don't let that fact stop you from getting started.  It gets easier as you go.  All you have to do is screw up the self discipline to go today.  After successfully arriving at the gym and doing anything you can classify as activity, reward yourself with self-praise and you will begin to build the motivation to do it again tomorrow.


One final tip for overcoming Holiday Hangovers: sit down and write out in a journal entry what you expected, what really happened and how you felt about it.  Use what you've written to make a plan for how you will do things differently next year.  Put that journal entry in a place where you can find it (maybe in your sock drawer?) and put an entry on your calendar for November of 2011 to remind yourself to go back and read it before planning for the Holidays next year! That will make sure that the pain of this season will not have been in vain.  


You may decide that you need to un-invite someone from the guest list next year.  You have all year to figure out how to do that and may even be surprised that you won't need to as Providence may step in for you!


As always, I endorse cleansing, deep breathing exercises typical of Pranayama yoga to reduce your emotional reactivity to hurtful memories, people and situations.  


If you are prone to seeking revenge, remember: the best revenge is a good life.  Never let them see you sweat it.  Learn to let go of your emotional attachments.  If you need help in learning to do that, contact me or find a professional at Psychology Today's Therapist Finder.


Be safe this New Year's Eve.  Plan ahead for your designated driver or plan to take a cab. 


Best to you in 2011.  

"It's the most stressful time of the year!"

You've been hearing the holiday music for weeks now.  The shopping may be over, partially complete or untouched.  Guests are on their way.  There's the decorations, the food, the sleeping arrangements!


But wait... there's also YOU!  Who's taking care of you?  If your answer isn't "I am." then "Houston, we have a problem."  Let's take a good look at what often gets people in trouble this time of year: expectations.


What are you expeceting of yourself this year.  Are you chasing a fairy-tale Christmas with "Peace on Earth, good will to men" when what you need is peace in the kitchen and "Get the baby away from the tree!"? 


Be realistic about what you are planning and who the people are that will be with you.  Give yourself permission to take it a little easy.  Don't have time to get all the decorations up?  The world won't end.  Can't get Aunt Daisy's oatmeal cookie recipe to come out right?  Buy ready made cookies or skip them all together and make healthy snacks.  Afraid the kids will whine and pout?  Maybe they will go to someone else's house to mope if you don't try to engage them. 


Don't fall prey to the lure of an idyllic holiday experience.  Live like the rest of us in the real world.  Let things go.  The guests will eventually go home.  The batteries will wear out.  The left-overs will all be eaten and then life can shift gears again. 


Lastly, take time just for yourself.  Get up early and take a brisk walk or head off to the gym or spa.  Leave a note that you've gone shopping... ALONE. 


And turn off your cell phone.  No texts, no calls, no emails. 


Escape and rejuvenate.


Wishing you the best for the New Year!